Adding structure - a new framework

This week I have custody of my son. Since I'm out of work (for the time being), I took him out of daycare and am spending my days with him just enjoying being a dad. Honestly, I had been so concerned about fixing my relationship and what I'd become, that I'd forgotten how much he really needs me. I realized that even when I had him with me I wasn't taking advantage of the time. Those parents who just plunk their kids in front of the TV always bothered me. Yet I realize that I'd become one of them.

I promised myself that this week I'd do the whole daddy thing and relish the time. Today, I had a great start. I decided on a fairly structured schedule... he's only three and it seems to work well for him. Not boot camp mind you, just a regular pattern: breakfast, play, lessons, exercise, lunch, nap, outdoor time, educational computer games (while I cook dinner), dinner/chatting, art project, bath, teeth, story time, tuck in. It was very nice, lots of bonding time with him and he was a very happy kid today. With all the exercise, he passed out at bed time, so that was a breeze!

I did have some personal time when he took his nap, and after I put him to bed at 8:30. Putting myself first... wow, it's really hard for me, especially when it comes to my son. But I really need to. When I fly, the hostess always reminds us that if we lose cabin pressure, put the oxygen masks on ourselves before any young child we're with. This is counter-intuitive to me. But rationally it makes sense. If I can't breathe, how could I possibly take care of him? That really applies across the board in life. Still, I feel guilty... selfish even, if I take time for me.

I still haven't worked out a passion or direction for myself. Well, there's my son, but that's part of our journey, not a destination.

I'm not very religious, but was raised, and consider myself Jewish. Many years ago I went to a retreat for non-practicing Jews, hosted by an Orthodox Jewish group. Fundamentalists always eek me out a bit, still I'm open to listening to what they have to say. I do respect their passion.

One of the interesting things we discussed was all the Jewish laws. Most people know that Jews aren't supposed to eat pork, but that's just one of many commandments that Jews are supposed to follow. Did you know, we're not supposed to eat shrimp or cheeseburgers either? For you Christians out there, you lucked out with only 10 commandments, we have 613 of them! (here are the 613, if you're interested).

Anyway, back to the point of all that. We asked the rabbi at the retreat why some of the laws existed, and why they followed all of them so closely. He explained that it doesn't matter why any particular law exists. The practice of following them helps us remain strong, good, productive people... I got the message. Structure in my life = personal discipline = better life.

For example, our Sabbath is sundown Friday until sundown Saturday. I'm not supposed to do any work then. I'm not sure why, but kindling or extinguishing a fire is considered work. Observant Jews include electricity in the definition of "fire". Yep, that's right, if I were an observant Jew, I'm not supposed to light a match, cook, turn on a light, adjust the air conditioner, watch TV, use my computer, drive my car (starting the ignition creates a spark in the engine), or even open the refrigerator door (unless I remembered to unscrew the light bulb inside).

This always seemed sooooo very extreme and unwarranted. But the Rabbi explained that it's a way of cleansing your mind. He said during Shabbat (the Sabbath) he gets to spend time with his family. They talk, they read, they take walks together, enjoy each other's company and the world around them. Sounded really good to me! He recommended that I try it, even once. I have to tell you, I did and it was an amazing experience for me. Unfortunately for me, I didn't keep it up.

I haven't been an observant Jew, and I'm not really considering becoming religious anytime soon. I do, however, believe that adding structure to my life will help me get back on track and focus on what's really important. So, not only have I created a structure for my son, but I'm creating one for myself too. I might even try to keep Shabbat.... We'll see.

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