Where am I headed?

Life is strange. I've had a really rough time over the past five years or so. Today I'm making a commitment to myself that I'm going to get back into the world. Why do I say, "get back in"? Well, I stepped out of life, and lost my focus. I'm trying to regain myself, my focus, and get on with shaping my own life.

I was speaking with a great friend of mine this afternoon. She was asking for my guidance, my advice on why she can't ever find a man to marry. It's a conversation that we've had a million times. She's in her mid 30's now, and she's been asking me this same question for more than 10 years. Look, she has everything going for her. She's very sexy; when I walk down the street with her I feel the heads turning and the stares. She's drop-dead, trust me. She's bright, with an MBA from Berkeley. She's a great cook. She's successful earning close to $200k per year. Her dream is to become a housewife. To raise a family and emotionally support her family. So, why on earth can't she hook up? What's the deal?

Let me use an analogy here to describe my perspective. When I look at companies... corporations, I see two general types. First is the type focused on a goal or vision. The second is focused on making money. I believe the most successful companies are those focused on a goal or vision (other than being profitable).

I think Microsoft is an awesome example of this. In the 1980's Bill Gates had a vision, "A computer on every desk and in every home." Simple concept, but back then most of us thought it completely nuts. Computers were huge monstrosities, costing tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars. They cost huge sums of money to maintain, required special computer rooms with cooling systems and air filters. Not to mention the staff it took to just keep them running. Still, that was Bill's vision. The whole company was focused, not on making money, but on achieving that vision. Once on that path, they figured out how to make it profitable. And it was REALLY profitable. But then something interesting happened. They did it. Microsoft accomplished Bill's vision. No not literally in "every home and on every desk", but computers are about as prevalent today as they ever will be. Hell, today we even have computers in most pockets, cars, boats, elevators, soda machines, etc. And Microsoft had a huge hand in that.

But now what? Well, finally a few short years ago, Bill Gates, Steve Ballmer and the rest of the Execs at MSFT realized that, having no future vision, the company had begun to simply focus on making money.... the effectiveness of the company was going downhill, they weren't making the kinds of profits they were before, their ideas were all over the map, grasping at stars to figure out where to go. Bill and Steve tried to define a new vision. That vision is something: "Empower people through great software anytime, anywhere, and on any device" Huh? What does that mean? Does that mean I can get my news on a soda machine? Trade stocks with my motorcycle? Find out how to make souvlaki with my fridge? I'm not sure, and it doesn't seem to have the same umph as the original vision. I believe the company is now, in all honesty, focused on making money... and their success (or lack there of these days) has an enormous amount to do with that.

Okay, okay, so what does all this have to do with my single friend, or my personal reinvention? Everything! I think my friend is focused on getting married.... the same, in my mind, as the focus on making money. She's doomed to fail, or at least just plod along. Instead she needs to create a vision for herself, for her life. Then focus on that. It's got to be something she can do on her own, or at least without relying on anyone but herself. She needs to stop driving toward a relationship, figure out her passion, and invest all that time and effort in that passion. I think an interesting thing will happen. If she does that, and really focuses on that passion of hers, the whole relationship thing will fall in line, as will lots of other things in her life.

Now back to me. I believe this, because my whole life I had a passion. Sure that passion changed from time to time, evolved, grew, changed, mutated. But I always had a spark, a passion, a drive toward something. And I had been very successful in my personal and professional lives. I've had many long term relationships, that admittedly did end. But they ended for good reasons, they ended amicably, and we both moved on. In fact, from time to time, I hear from some of those old girl friends of mine. One just got married, another had her third kid. We didn't get married, still I think they were successful. My career just moved forward, I didn't drive it forward, I just kept getting promotions. New opportunities just fell at my feet, and I took them. That was because I wasn't focused on getting promotions, I wasn't focused on finding a date. I was focused on my own passion. And all the other stuff just fell into place.

I just watched "Sideways".... okay, it's old, but I hadn't seen it. One character had two passions, his writing and wine. The other's only passion was women and sex. At the start of the movie, it seemed that the passionless guy was on top of the world, and the one with the passions was lost. Sure he had his problems, but in the end of the movie, it's clear that his life fell in place.... because he was focused on something more interesting.

With me, now, I'm lost... wandering around aimless. I lost my spark.... I can't tell you my passion. Well, I can, but it's pathetic. My passion for the past five years has been trying to make my relationship work. I can't. It wasn't meant to be. We're split up, sort of. We have a wonderful son together, and have been dating. But, y'know what, I realized that I'm just a guilty of this stupid thinking as my single friend, and today's Microsoft.

So, I set a simple goal for myself... we'll it's hard, but achievable. I'm going to figure out my new passion, my personal vision for myself, and focus all that time, effort and energy on my goals, not a failed relationship. Today I begin.

WhyCali