To examine or not?

Among Psychologists, there are two schools of thought on this topic. Years ago, the Psychological community helped people probe into their backgrounds; their history, to find out what their problems are. To understand their issues, first, then work on resolving them. The new thinking is, why bother? What's the point dwelling on the past? What's done is done. Instead, let's focus on the future, what can (and hopefully will) be. What do you want to become? Now, let's figure out how to get there.

"Without goals, and plans to reach them,
you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination."
-- Fitzhugh Dodson

The former, can be a very long process, without a clear end. The latter, is much more "efficient", you state a goal, work on it, reach it, then leave therapy. I suspect, insurance companies have a lot to do with this approach. I'm not sure which I believe in, both seem to make sense to me. Hey, in my last posting here, I spoke about understanding the issue before you can solve it. Yet, about two weeks ago, I spoke about a vision for myself. Part of me tends to dwell on the mistakes I've made in the past, and beats myself up over it. There's no value to that, only pain and keeping that pain alive.

I think I'm going to try and focus on both. What I'd like to become, my goals in life, and how can I get there. At the same time, I don't want make the same mistakes I've always made. So, I need to be a bit introspective, what mistakes did I make? How can I learn from those pitfalls, and act in a smarter way.

"If you always do what you've always done,
you'll always get what you've always gotten"
-- Jessie Potter

I think, as I keep writing in this blog, I'm going to flip flop between these two approaches.

Please tell me why!

How do you fix problems?  I'll tell you how I do it.  First, I figure out what the problem really is, that's the hard part.  Then I brainstorm various ways to solve it.  Try one, if it work's I'm done.  If not, I keep trying different things until it's fixed.  But, until I understand the cause of the problem, I'll never be able to fix it.

Let's think in simple terms.  The lamp in my living room isn't working.  I can't get the thing to turn on.  Okay, I ask myself, "What's the problem with the lamp?"  Is the wall switch on?  Is the lamp knob turned on?  Is it plugged in?  Is the bulb burned out?  Maybe I've blown a fuse?  Could it be, that there's a short in the cord? 

It'd be stupid of me to change the cord, before checking the bulb.  It would really nutty for me to toss out the lamp, before knowing if thing was plugged in or not, wouldn't it?  Well, the only difference, in my mind, between the lamp and anything else that goes wrong in my world or the universe is the complexity of the problem.

I had a small issue with my son.  A year or so ago, before he was very communicative, he would, at apparently random times, try to go out of my apartment.  I told him, that he's not allowed to leave unless daddy's with him.  Still he tried.  I gave him time-outs when I caught him.  He still tried.  So, I made sure I kept the front door locked.  Being the sly 2 year old that he is, he figured out how to unlock the door.  I put up a barrier, he leaned on it until it fell over.  I bought a chain, installed it far too high for him to reach, and chained the door shut.  He pushed a chair over, and slipped the chain right off.  I was trying to fix the problem, without understanding it.

Sure, I could have, eventually invested enough in deterrents to keep him inside.  Hell, if I were a crazy extremist, I could have shackled my son in a closet... no way he'd get out then would he.  But is that a solution to the problem, or does it just create other, much worse problems?  I could spend all my time watching him constantly, or even hire some people to keep a perpetual eye on him, then stop him if he tries to open the door.  But how realistic is that?

Look, "when there's a will, there's a way."  So, the easiest way to solve this issue would be to remove that desire.  I started observing.  Then I noticed something interesting.  He wasn't randomly trying to get out at all.  He was only trying to get out, when the cats were outside and happened to be perched on the balcony.  Interesting!  Now, I understand the problem.  He wants to play with the cats, maybe pet them.  But the motivation is clearly the cats.  If I could stop this scenario from happening, perhaps he would stop trying to get out.  Is there some way to keep the cats inside?  Maybe I could keep them off the balcony.  Finally, I realized, if I pulled the shades on the front window, when the cats are out, he wouldn't even see when they're on the balcony, and thus not have the temptation.

I tried it, and... well, it worked.  He stopped trying to get out.  No will?  Why bother!  I tossed out the barrier, and haven't bothered to use the chain ever since.  Why did I waste the money, time and effort trying to fix a problem I didn't understand?  Good question!

Well, I've come to believe it's part of the American Culture.  What?  Let's think about it for a moment.  American's tend to see something they don't like.  Then try to change it, so that the pain goes away, never bothering to understand the root cause.  Rarely do I ever hear why a problem exists, I just hear about the nutty things we do to try and stop the pain. 

We, as American's do it all the time, with just about every problem under the sun.  We try to reform the welfare system, without understanding why people are on welfare.  We try to make abortion illegal, without trying to understand why people get abortions.  We create things like "three strikes you're out" laws without understanding why people commit the crimes they commit.  We hire security officers and put up metal detectors in schools without ever bothering to figure out why kids would want to shoot their classmates to begin with.  We leave marriages without ever, really figuring out why they didn't work.  According to psychologists, American's tend to get into the same relationship or marriage, with another person, a second, third or tenth time.  Are we nuts?

Look at 9/11 as a prime example.  Osama Bin Laden and his Al Qaeda group have tried for years to hurt Americans on US soil.  This was no secret, they'd tried to blow up the WTC several times, in fact.  Finally, on 9/11 they did it... and it really hurt.  Frankly, I was scared watching the news coverage.  When I lived in New York, I worked at Chase Manhattan Bank, and exited the subway at the WTC stop every morning.  It hit very close to home.  Just like everyone else, I wanted the problem... the threat of another attack, solved.  This shouldn't have happened, and I certainly don't want it to happen again.

Yet, I know in my soul, the only way to stop a problem is to first understand it.  So I immediately wondered, "Why on earth would someone want to do something like that?"  What motivates a group of people to fly planes into large skyscrapers?  I kept watching the news, waiting to understand why they did what they did.  I never heard the answer... even to this day, I haven't heard.  Surely, they've told the government.  Hijackers, kidnappers always have demands, don't they?  Bank robbers have their notes demanding money.  People don't do things like this for no reason.  They have their reasons, whether we agree with them, like them or understand them.  They communicate those reasons pretty clearly.

Sure, I remember Bush dismissing Al Qaeda as "evildoers".  But that doesn't explain a thing.  There's always motive.  People who use illegal drugs don't do it because they're evil, they do it because they're unhappy.... Or addicted.  Thieves don't steal, because they're evil, they do it because they need the money for one reason or another.  Murderer's kill, not because they're evil, but because they're greedy or desperate and want insurance money, they have serious mental health issues, they hate the person and can't control their anger, they're scared of the person and are defending themselves.  Justified or not, whether I understand it or not, whether like it or not, people always do bad things for their own reasons.

If we don't bother to understand it, we're going to spend 1000 times the effort, with only a fraction of the results.  Sure, I spent about $50, a few nerves, and 10 or so hours trying, in vain to keep my son from going out on the balcony before figuring out how to simply eliminate the desire.  How much have we spent steel reinforcing cockpit doors?  How many hours have we invested waiting in line at the airport, in public buildings, in schools?  How have we been violated by the government spying on us?  Does it really make sense; or is it even realistic to think that we can be two steps ahead of Al Qaeda in every direction all the time?

Look, it's very easy folks.  When there's a will, there's a way.  Before we can eliminate the will, we have to understand why they want to hurt us.  Once we know that, well, we're done with the hard stuff.  Either the government doesn't understand basic troubleshooting.  Perhaps they haven't even bothered to learn about their motives.  Maybe they've tried and failed to find a workable solution.  Hell, maybe they've understood it all along, and chose, for whatever reason to ignore it.  What I do know, is that we've been barking up the least effective tree ever since 9/11. 

So, please tell me, why do they want to hurt us?  More importantly, what ideas do you have to eliminate that desire?  After all, when there's no will, there are no worries!

WhyCali?