On Happiness

I've been thinking about Happiness.  For me, that's my goal in life: being happy.  I guess before I can be truly happy I need to define it.  After all, how can I find something if I don't know what I'm looking for?

What is Happiness

To me it's not an event, accomplishment, possession, relationship or experience.  It's an overall feeling of satisfaction, self-worth, contribution, purpose, value.  I believe that I have a reason for living, can make a difference (however small), can learn, think and give back.  But that's pretty abstract isn't it.

Where Can I Get It?

I can't buy it on eBay, none of the stores in the mall carry it.  My parents can't leave it to me in their will.  My friends can't hand it to me.  I can't drink it, eat it, smoke it, caress it with my hand, smell it or hear it.  I guess happiness isn't really one neat thing.  It's a bunch of feelings combined.  It's feeling wise, generous, safe, stable, healthy, smart, fun, excited, centered.

Achieving Personal Happiness

None of these things; these parts of happiness ever seem complete.  I have wisdom, but I'm not the most wise.  I have knowledge, but I don't know everything.  I'm safe, but still get hurt.  All of these things are journeys, not destinations.  So maybe it's the never-ending process of growing, developing, learning, experiencing... being.  How can I ever be happy.

Where Can I Find It?

If happiness is all those feelings, then where do they come from?  How can I become happier?  I enjoy a great meal that I've made from scratch.  But stuffing my face with yummy food alone doesn't make me happy.  Having a few drinks and feeling buzzed gets me giggling and feeling great, but when it wears off do I feel joy or a hangover?  I don't think any of the folks at the local AA meeting would say they found happiness in a bottle.  The feeling of a warm embrace or kind loving words from someone is beautiful, but when about when the hug ends?  I could pay a homeless guy to say nice things to me and I probably wouldn't be filled with happiness.

I know satisfaction, wisdom, knowledge, health, self-worth, contribution, purpose, being valuable are happiness for me.  So I need to live my life in ways that build those things.  To improve my health, I need to eat right, sleep well, exercise, breathe, meditate.  If I don't then my health suffers and so does my happiness.  For knowledge, I need to continue to learn.  That means studying, listening, thinking.  Anything I do either builds or detracts from my personal happiness.

Okay, So Where Is It?

My kindness, my skills, my generosity, my knowledge are where my happiness comes.  That's all stuff within me that I can chose to do... or not.  People can recognize these things in me, they can remind me of them and that feels great.  But the happiness comes from what I'm doing, thinking, learning, not what other people say or do.  So then happiness is in me, not coming from around me.  That would mean only I can make myself happy (or unhappy) not anyone or anything else.

Making Myself and Others Happy

So to me happiness is a bunch of feelings.  There are a million things I can do that make those feelings in me stronger.  All these come from what I do, what I think, how well I take care of myself, how generous and caring I am toward others.  It's all in my control.  I can't credit anyone for my happiness and I can't blame anyone for unhappiness.   I need to focus myself, my thoughts, and my actions, to continue to build my personal happiness.  That means I need to spend more time learning, giving, caring, sharing, thinking, taking care of myself and my family and less time focusing on those people around me who are unhappy.

Choosing Happiness

Every moment I'm alive I make a choice to see the beauty around me, let myself feel the happiness I have and do things that will make me a happier person..... Or not.  What I can do is continue to build my own happiness, to do for myself and my kids to look for and see goodness around me, be kind and contribute where I'm able.  I can become happier and be a good example for my kids.  I can't make anyone else happy no matter how hard I try.  I can't force anyone to build their own happiness, to do the things to build them up, to see the good around them.    I certainly can't sacrafice the things that build my own happiness to try to make someone else happy.

I can do for myself, and that's where I'm focused.